I was standing in line at Chipotle this weekend, on a quick run to get my wife and I some lunch. For the last several minutes I’d been contemplating how the staff pack up their to-go tacos, which this lady a few spots ahead of me had ordered (they kind-of scrunch them together in the tinfoil I guess?), when I happened to tune into the couple right in front of me — particularly the guy. During the next few minutes at Chipotle this guy played out what I think is the epitome of being a Beta, so much so that I feel compelled to lay it all out here and assess what men should do to avoid being a walking cliché like him.
Let’s describe him so you have a full picture. He was a white guy, roughly 6 foot, 2 inches tall (he was a bit taller than me so that’s my guess there) with curly brown hair that was sort-of turning into an afro but not quite. Either way it was sticking right out from his head. He was wearing a dull blue, ill-fitting T-shirt, cargo shorts, and running shoes. His complexion was pasty, with acne and splotchy sking — almost like he didn’t get any sunlight and had a bit of a rash. He also had a post-scruff, pre-beard amount of facial hair that could probably grow out well if he lets it. He had skinny arms and skinny legs. So the overall effect was of an overgrown, pretty goon-like figure.
Now his posture, which is really what threw me in the first place. Men should do their best to stand tall or otherwise show a bit of confidence in their stance. You read a bit about people being prone to chicken-necks due to hunching over computers all the time or looking down at their phone. Well if I ever had any skepticism about that, this guy proved it. His spine was shaped like a question mark such that his hips were forward while his whole back curved over and then his neck …I swear to you now that his neck was a horizontal structure. His shoulders were consequently hunched and he looked as if he literally didn’t have a butt. I really mean this — it was like a medical miracle. Remember that he was wearing cargo shorts, so if you have ever seen an empty burlap sack that’s basically what his backside resembled. He probably lost over an inch of height from his posture alone, giving the impression of a big lurker.
You might now say that I’m just being a dick for describing him in such detail with such a negative tone. Well if it were only these things I’d say, hey this guy should really just take better care of himself. But it’s his mannerisms and behavior that took things to the next level. Let’s take a look at them.
1. His wife/girlfriend asked him if they should go to Home Goods or At Home next. They were obviously running errands and she was clearly hoping he’d have some input here. But all he did was shrug and look bck at his phone. In cases like this it doesn’t take much to inquire a bit. Something like, “well what are you hoping to get?” and then either weigh in on which store seems best. At worst, if you don’t know what they sell you could at least engage a bit and show that it wasn’t a wasted consideration from her.
2. When it was their turn to order, he got in front of her and interrupted her ordering to place his order first instead. This was just awkward. Are we so far gone that men don’t let a woman go first? Even if I’m ordering alone as I was here, I do my wife’s order first in case they were to run out of something so I can make sure she gets what she wants. It’s not that hard — except for him I suppose.
3. But then get this: Not only did he cut her off to order first, he then proceeded with his order down to the cash register, leaving her to wait rather than placing both orders at once. This is just weird to me — you came together, so you stick together. Team effort! Not this time though, and it gets worse.
4. He actually proceeded to pay for his own meal and then wandered over to fill his soda, leaving her to order alone and to pay separately for herself. I shit you not, I couldn’t believe this when I saw it. I wanted to walk over to him and tell him to pay for her food too but I restrained myself because, it honestly seemed like she’d become accustomed to this kind of thing from him. Which, if I’m being honest, makes him a disgrace to the entire male gender.
You’re saying now, “hey why is this such a big deal?”
It’s a big deal because a major point, maybe even the entire point, of being a man is that you set the tone for the world around you. Men, as a group, are supposed to provide a sense of confidence and security in public spaces. Feminists might get pissed when I say that but women are generally dying for a man who will bring them into his world, which requires him to do a few things by default. If you, a man, are not doing these things then you are likely being a Beta, and this guy was a perfect showcase. So what are my tips based on that?
There are probably multiple things on this list that all of us guys could improve on — and it doesn’t necessarily mean that if the things here apply to you that you’re a worthless Beta. But it’s certain that if you improve in these areas you will be more of a man, and a much better person. You’ll be showing foremost that you care about yourself, both your health and how you are perceived. You’ll also be showing respect to others. It takes a superior mindset to show deference to others and that is ever the more important with respect to how men treat women. Women are far more vulnerable than men on average, and it’s really a responsibility men should take on to provide women security — even the basic feeling that you are not a threat, and that you’re interested in supporting her. Don’t make women or the world settle for less when it comes to you.
Just think about that next time you visit a Chipotle.